Two Idiots
by peculiorz
Summary: Karkat has been wanting to talk to him for ages. -humanstuck-


Karkat was watching a guy with black hair and blue eyes who was seemingly lost in thought sip his coffee at the window seat near the back of the café. One of his hands danced along the edge of the table, as if he were playing the piano. Every now and then he would smile, and Karkat would wonder about what he was thinking. He was something of a regular, as he showed up nearly every day around three AM and sat in the same seat every time. He was quiet, solemn, and he seemed like a deep thinker, which were three traits Karkat liked in guys and three traits that made Karkat wish he knew this man. He didn't even know his name, though, and that was really annoying.

"Why don't you go talk to him?" a quiet voice near Karkat made him jump. When he turned his head he saw Kanaya just seating herself at the counter, folding her coat and setting it on the chair to her right. He must have somehow missed the bell that should have sounded when she entered.

"What?" he deadpanned, and Kanaya smiled at him, nodding her head in the general direction of the guy he had been watching. Karkat frowned, ducking his head to stare at the counter, "No. Not possible. The thought that you could even fathom that as being an event that could ever take place upsets and confuses me to no end."

"It really wouldn't be that difficult," Karkat lifted his gaze to glower at her, and Kanaya rolled her eyes, smirking, "Just walk over to him and say hi, Karkat. He won't bite."

"I didn't think he would," Karkat said quickly, glaring and realizing too late that Kanaya had been, of course, kidding, "I mean, I know that you know that I didn't think that, but that was a stupid thing to say. I mean, okay, maybe not entirely, because you were joking, but if you'd actually-"

"Karkat," he stopped. Looked at her, "He might leave soon."

"So? He'll be back, he comes here all the time like some pathetic moron."

"Maybe he wants you to talk to him," she said slyly, and Karkat felt his stomach twist and his ears get hot. He crossed his arms and shook his head quickly.

"Yeah right. He would have introduced himself," she chuckled, and Karkat frowned at her.

"Maybe he's waiting for you to say something first?" Karkat opened his mouth to tell her that nobody in their right mind would wait for him to make the first move- and that nobody in their right mind would think he was attractive or dating material in the first place- but Kanaya spoke up first, "You're not the only one who's afraid of talking to people."

"I- what? I'm not _afraid_ of talking to people!" he sputtered loudly, and then caught himself, glancing over in the man's direction. They locked eyes, and then Karkat looked away immediately, ducking his head and turning it purposefully in the opposite direction. He heard Kanaya snicker.

"Then go talk to him," she said, and Karkat felt his heart hammer in his chest at the idea, "But first I'd like a medium cup to go. My regular. I'm staying up late tonight doing designs."

"You were commissioned?" Karkat asked meekly, glad for the topic change. He turned to get her coffee, deciding to take his time out of spite, "By who?"

"A company in New York," she said primly, as if this was something that she was supremely proud of, "They aren't very big, but they're popular enough. I'll tell you how it goes after they get back to me."

"Well, good luck," he said as he put the lid on the cup, turning to hand it off to her. She was already stepping into her jacket as he did, and took the cup from him gingerly. She flashed him a wide, warm smile that cheered him a little as she paid.

"You too," she said, wiggling her fingers and glancing in the direction of the black-haired man who was still nursing his drink. Karkat glared at her, flushing a little while she laughed and exited the café, walking through the parking lot to her car. Karkat kept an eye on her until she had pulled out of the lot, and then he sighed quietly. She was such a meddler.

It took only a few minutes for him to decide to take her advice and talk to him.

"Hi," he said, hovering tentatively near the man's table. When he glanced up, Karkat thought briefly about rushing away and pretending he had never said anything at all, but the man at the table spoke before he could actually act on those impulses.

"Uh, hey," not a good start. Karkat started to panic, just a little, "What's up, man?"

'What's up, man?' and now he had to think of a response to that, didn't he? He wrung his hands behind his back, avoiding eye contact, and remained silent. The quiet stretched on for a long while, only growing more awkward. Without a word (save for a mumbled 'nevermind' that the man probably didn't even hear), Karkat turned tail and fled. This was a stupid idea anyway.

"Uh! Hey, wait!" Karkat paused. Looked back. The man was rubbing the back of his head nervously, looking just as awkward as Karkat felt, "Um. My name's John, if you were wondering. I guess. Not that I assumed you were or anything, but. Yeah," He then proceeded to face palm, and Karkat felt a throb of affection in his chest. He walked back towards John, standing hesitantly next to the table. Sheepishly peeking between his fingers, John grinned up at him, "I'm not uh. I'm not all that eloquent. Face to face. I mean, not online either, but. Jeez," he closed his fingers and added his other hand, shielding his face completely, "I am not an idiot, is what I'm trying and failing to convey here, okay?"

Karkat paused for only a moment befor sitting down across from John, and when he looked up, John was peeking out from between his fingers again, in a way that Karkat knew he should find silly and childish but only saw as endearing. John moved his hands, revealing a shy smile.

"At least. I don't think I'm a _complete_ idiot," he said, and Karkat allowed himself to smile back, just a bit.

"No, you are totally a complete fucking idiot, don't doubt that" John rolled his eyes, and Karkat had to swallow before urging himself to continue, gesturing meaninglessly with his hands as he spoke. He was a huge ball of nerves now, but he took some comfort in the fact that John was probably just as nervous, "But it's fine. I'm an idiot too."

"Wanna be idiots together?" John asked almost immediately, and Karkat snorted. John removed his hands from his face completely then, and grinned, "It's good that you laughed, because if you hadn't I would have left immediately and had my friend Dave help me commit seppuku." Karkat smirked.

"Just because I laughed doesn't mean it wasn't stupid as hell," John rolled his eyes again, "My name's Karkat."

"Geez, I feel so stupid," he laughed, leaning forward and looking sheepish again, "I've actually been wanting to talk to you for like. A week now? I probably never would have, to be honest."

"No, dude," Karkat leaned forward too, stupid with excitement and butterflies, "It's like fucking destiny here, I was just as fucking nervous about talking to you. I've wanted to start a conversation with you for probably longer than you have! I probably wanted to talk to you before I even met you. Do you think that's possible?" John snorted, and Karkat scolded himself inwardly for being an idiot.

"That doesn't make any sense, man," he said, though not unkindly. He smiled, "And destiny might be a bit much. This is only our first conversation, after all. You haven't even bought me dinner yet!"

"Do you want me to buy you dinner?" Karkat asked, completely serious and a little confused. John laughed again, and he began to feel a little frustrated. This wasn't at all how he imagined this conversation going, and he was _this close_ to getting up and leaving. This _never_ happened in movies.

"No, man, okay," he smiled at Karkat, face open and warm and so fucking genuine. Karkat's heart wasn't having any of this, and he was afraid he might be blushing, "Let's just. Talk for a while," he looked over at the counter briefly, and then he returned his focus to Karkat, "Let's maybe have some pie. Sound good?"

"Yeah," Karkat stood slowly, the scene feeling a tad surreal, "Alright. Pie," He could hear John snickering again as he left to get two slices of the coconut cream pie on the counter, and when he returned, John was still smiling at him, like wow, did he have a license for that smile? Oh, that was good. He should totally say that. Like, now.

So he did, and John guffawed, but it was alright. Because even though he felt slighted and frustrated that this was nothing at all like the movies, he still walked away later that night with nine digits written in a lazily scrawl across his palm and a light feeling budding in his chest that wouldn't go away.

Now he just needed to find the courage to call.

* * *

_I don't really like how this one is written, but it's been sitting in my documents for ages, so I decided I might as well publish it. It might be a cliche idea, but I thought it would be cute, so oh well. _

_Thank you for reading!_


End file.
